16

My daughter turns sixteen years old tomorrow.  Sixteen years…that flitted by so quickly it is hard to believe.  She went from being the tiny shy little blond girl who was always burying her head in my shoulder to this tall, confident gorgeous girl who lights up every room she enters. 

I can’t believe she will be sixteen tomorrow.  Sixteen is a huge milestone.  You are more adult than kid…driving a car, making huge decisions about careers, college and life partners.

I was thinking the other day how much I enjoy my daughter and our relationship.  I think there is a fine balance you walk with your kids as they grow up and at some point you have to make a decision.  Do I want to be their friend or their parent?  I think it is like a pendulum swinging and it is easy to go too far one way or the other.

If you are too consumed with being the parent – sometimes you don’t allow your kids to make their own choices.  There are so many rules and restrictions in place that when your child graduates college and goes out into the real world – it can paralyze them.  I have seen this many times when either the child rebels like crazy or curls up into a little ball of fear.

If you are too consumed with being your child’s friend, it can be just as damaging.  These are the parents who are hosting the drinking parties, giving their kids drugs or taking them to clubs at an early age.  Kids can grow up not knowing any authority or not knowing when to be responsible because they don’t have any good role models. OR as a divorced parent, it can be too easy to make your child your world and talk to them about things you really should not talk with them about – whether that is financial stresses, dating issues, etc. 

I haven’t done a lot of things right in this world.  I will be the first to admit that.  But one thing I think I have gotten 80% right – is my relationship with my daughter.  We have fun together, I love hanging out with her and her friends.  She makes me laugh more than anyone I know.  She knows her responsibilities and she balances them well.  I allow her to make mistakes and decisions and she is respectful most of the time in thinking through her decisions.  As she has grown older, I have given her more freedom.  She chooses good friends and I trust her to make good choices.  She knows she can talk to me about anything but I don’t force her to share everything. 

We are mostly friends but at no time do I forget that I am her parent.  Sometimes I have to lay down the law or tell her things she doesn’t like.  She sometimes takes this well and other times doesn’t.  But that is how I know that we have a good relationship.  She is not always happy with me and I am not always happy with her – but our relationship is real and she is not afraid I am going to punish her for being mad at me.  I am not afraid she is not going to like me if I tell her no. 

I believe that teenagers need parents.  They need authority and security as much as they need the freedom to make their own bad decisions.  After all that is how you learn and grow. 

So today I am thinking about my daughter and how grateful I am for her.  And I am excited and scared to see what her sixteenth year brings. Because I know that she is going to do some pretty amazing things.