“I’m so busy.” We all say it. There is a lot of things to do
and a lot of places to be. There are family pressures and obligations and work.
I hear it every day. But I don’t say it a lot unless I am
talking about work. Because “I’m so busy” is not something that I typically am.
I am so available. I am so unscheduled. I am so alone. Those are words I can
relate to. “I’m so busy” are not some of them.
As a single introvert I like to dive deep into friendships
and I crave good conversation. But it can be difficult to figure out how to
break through other’s busyness to make new friends which I was reminded of
recently when seasons changed. I suddenly found myself with ample free time and
few friends to fill it. I found myself scrolling through my phone and my
Facebook contacts, trying to figure it out. I don’t usually need many because I
go “all in” with friends…but that can come back to bite me when people move or
move on for one reason or another. And sometimes the empty calendar (especially
during particularly “fun” seasons like summer) is hard to look at.
So I thought I would embrace the positive and be proactive.
Look ahead at the schedule and see how I can fill it. Weekends are hard to fill
though…that space is “family time”. I remember that season. I never had the
extended family obligations, but time was filled with kid activities and date
nights. And I have friends in all stages of that now – young married couples,
friends who are dating, and parents of young kids. There are also family
vacations and reunions and gatherings to consider. Even the occasional wedding.
And all of these things are understandable. But makes it
challenging as a single person to figure out how to make plans on a Saturday
night. I don’t get invited to the gatherings and parties because I am not
family or don’t have a significant other to attend with me. I don’t think
people think I would want to come alone to a gathering full of pairs...but I do enjoy people.
The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends. I
go to church (alone) and sit alone and say hi to people around me and then go
home. Everyone is friendly…but also in their own circles. I have joined things
with the hopes to make new friends (and will keep trying) but find everyone is
already so busy. As an introvert, I am not quite sure how to break in to
existing friend groups and family dynamics. I keep trying…don’t get me wrong.
But I fumble at it. It makes me tired. I give up for long stretches.
I have found my most rewarding friendships have come when I
have taken giant relational risks and just put myself out there. But they also
happened BECAUSE I was so available. And I took time to intentionally invest.
So my goal is not to be busy. I don’t need busy.
So this is my conundrum. As I scroll through contacts and
look around at any opportunity that I have in my life to build some new
friends. I guess it never gets easier to make friends. And it is not something
that is ever done. I just need to keep trying and keep taking risks. And try to
find something fun to do on Saturday night…
