The Most Segregated Hour of the Week

I am sure you have heard this before…that Sunday morning is the most segregated hour of the week.  Everyone has their own “church” and separates from the rest of the world to go to their own place.  I think this has gotten better over the last few years although I am sure it is still a problem but can I pose another thought?

I think for some people – Sunday morning can be the loneliest hour of the week.  Not only have I personally experienced this – but I work with a certain segment of the population that would say the same.  Now before anyone gets all bent out of shape – I will say – this might be only my experience and might be a product of the fact that I go to a mega church.  I will hold out hope that this is different in smaller churches.

Let me give you a snapshot of yesterday. 

I walked into my large church (at which I work and know HUNDREDS of people…quite literally) and saw not one person I knew.  I sat in the coffee shop for a while reading a book…then proceeded to go sit in a section where I have heard people are friendly.  One person I work with commented on my new hairstyle from across the aisle.  I waved and said hi.

The section stayed mostly empty until about 5-10 minutes after the service started.  It was pretty full and I had to get up several times to let people in…families with small kids, couples…

Church ended and I walked down to the lobby – waited for my daughter for at least 10 minutes, walked out and left.

This is how it is most weeks.  I have sat in many different places, tried to start conversations with people but what I have noticed is that most people come with their own “group” whether that be their small group or just their family and are catching up with them before and after the service or they are coming late and leaving early.  

I have talked to several other single people and what I am finding is that most of them are having the same experience.  Walking in to a large building, trying to find someone to talk to or sit with and failing, walking out alone…it makes it very challenging to want to come to church. 

Then what I hear from my single friends as well is that church is so focused on families and marriages that they feel even more excluded.  That they are somehow not as “normal” or “fulfilled” as other people.  That somehow they are not as welcome.

This makes me sad.  It makes me sad that a place that is supposed to feel like a respite after a long week, a place that is supposed to feel like a community can be so isolating.

I don’t think anyone has any intentions of having church feel exclusionary.  I think if asked…most –if not all- people who attend our church would want people to feel welcome.  But for some reason, they are not realizing that it is their problem to solve.

Yes, it is my responsibility to try to meet people.  I completely agree with that.  But I have lost track of how many times I have tried to strike up a conversation.  How many times I have tried to join a small group, start a small group or invite myself to a small group – only to be ignored. 

And I have heard this from others as well.

I know it can be different.  I have experienced it.  I have been to a place where everyone talks to everyone.  Where first time visitors are invited to join an existing group or lunch invitation.  Where everyone is looking out for that person who looks new so they can be friendly and welcoming. 

I know it can happen…but not unless it becomes everyone’s problem to solve.